Conscientious

Synonyms: meticulous, careful, upright (adjective). Governed by conscience. Or careful; a conscientious listener (Webster’s Dictionary)

Have you ever feel like they always ask you about things you don’t know? And when you do know, nobody’s asking you. Hence you feel schtupid, and when you do know the answer to a question you hesitate because you’re discouraged by the first question. I hate that. It makes me sick.  Like I wanna vomit everytime that happens. (Holden mode ON).

Yesterday we had an important meeting, with AusAid’s Indonesia desk. They’re working on this study on trade, development and aid. Basically they’re trying to build a case for how trade can reduce poverty and what’s the role of aid in this whole shenanigans. The result of this study might be useful for Indonesia-Australia Free Trade Agreement negotiations.

SO I, being the only Indonesian, was put there to be the Indonesian face. Sitting on the table; my managers, Andy my American boss, this WTO guy, head of the school of economics, head of school of commerce, head of school of agriculture. Important guys. Was I nervous? Absefuckinlutely. Yes being the intern my job was to do the minute. But as I’m the only  Indonesian, I had a weird hunch that they’re gonna ask my opinion about stuff. Which is awesome, IF I WASN’T TOO NERVOUS.

First I had to greet this AusAid guy. “Hi” he said. “You’re from Indonesia right?” “Yes, Nice to meet you” I replied. “I’m flying to Jakarta on Sunday to do fieldwork.” he said. “Oh that’s lovely” I said. “Yeah, I’m quite excited, I’m a Turkish but raised here..so I’m a muslim and yeah that’s gonna be exciting being in Indonesia”.  Guess what my reply was? “Oh yeah! You’ll like it there. A lot of mosques and stuff”.

What the hell was that? I could’ve said “Oh wow, I’m muslim too are you looking for a wife?”. Haha, NOT. I could’ve replied “Oh lovely, one of the things I miss in Indonesia is the calling of the prayer amidst the hustle and bustle of the city. Something you don’t find here, so I hope you’ll enjoy that “. But no, I didnt say that beautiful answer.

So as the meeting began, and it heated up, I jotted away. Quite weird being in a room where they’re talking about your country. Good stuff, bad stuff. Some you agree, some you don’t (or don’t know :p). But exciting. This work helps me figure out  the context to which information I acquire in college applies.

But anyway.. these academias hey, why do they like to complicate stuff by using big words and not making my job easier? For this I love so much the American colloquialism. Andy, the American, talks point-blank. With simple words that an average mate could understand. And he was the deputy general of WTO.

An hour later the formal meeting finished. But the AusAid guy wants to talk more with the WTO guy and me. Yes the Indonesian had to be there. He then asked me “so what do you think is the most significant  barrier of blab la bla blah..of Indonesia that is unique to…blab la blah…yada yada…somthin somthin somthin”.

I was all; huh? What? Oh geesh what did he mean? Should I ask what he meant? Should I ask him to repeat the question? But would I look schtupid?

And then I decided (which now regretted) to answer away.. “Language” I said. (??)

“You’ll find that it will be a significant barrier. Especially when you’re working with government officials later.” “And infrastructure is definitely a problem. Power supply being the most urgent one. The blackouts recently. And technical knowledge on SPS, TBT, port management (this one I copy Andy’s answer. I knew SPS..but I didn’t know what TBT stands for at that time). For example  A lot of Indonesian export commodities constantly get holding orders by Australian customs even those from big companies. And of course bureaucracy. These e-governance system is really slow in the making. How hard can they be if you hire an Indian or Australian to do it”.

And then they laughed. Shit..was it funny my whole answer or just the last one?. Ogh I hate meetings. I find that getting my idea across is difficult in Bahasa, let alone in English. OH bugger.  I’m not good at live discussions. Can I just say that I’m mute and write my answers from now on. Or instead of live meeting I just do email correspondence.

There were other sophisticated, better thought of answers, in a systematical order and better vocabularies  that I could have given him. Instead of blurting out stuff and constantly saying “stuff” and “yeah” and “you know”. Ah fuck it. I don’t even know if that’s what he was actually asking.

And then we talked about private sector engagement in  FTA negotiations, he asked “so Isya, who do you think I should talk to regarding this issue?”. I answered (more guessing actually) “Hmm Kadin is good people to talk to” (what does that mean??? That they’re good human beings or what? Ay yay…broken English. Then he said “Well yeah, but they’re quite a conscientious bunch aren’t they?”

Conscience what?! who?? What does that word even mean???

I freeze for 2 seconds, and the best answer I could give him was… a nod with a meaningful smile.

Bugger. I hate meetings in general, and hate it even more when it’s in English. There goes my confidence (what with the short supply I have). I feel schtupid.

Reminded me of when we had a meeting with Australian Trade Minister Simon Crean. As we were sitting in the big table oh so formally, Andy told him that we’re working on this IAFTA study. Mr.Minister responded with “Oh yeah, Indonesia is spooked with ACFTA and India is stalling its FTA with us. SBY is suppose to come here next month but I don’t know what that’ll actually means or where he stands on the FTA”.

“Speaking of Indonesia, we have an Indonesian working with us here” Said Andy as he nodded towards my direction, which caused Mr.Minister to turned his head to the right, to the girl sitting three seats next to him (me obviously) and  looked at that girl..giving an expression like he expct me to respond or say somthing to that..and guess what I did?

I raised my right hand, almost as high as my chest, nodded and bowed a bit at the same time (like the jappanese do), and I said…..”Hey” with a smile.

Friggin Hey. When people address him as “yes, Minister” or “no, Minister”.. or “Nice to meet you, minister”.

Crean, on the right

Oh Sindrom rakyat jelata kah ini? Am I being too hard on myself? I try to just laugh about these things.. but I can’t help feeling schtupid. But seriously,if there;s one thing I know for sure is that I need public speaking advice. And that I should stop making fun of seemingly schtupid answers they make in beauty pageants

I’m escaping the Adelaide heat. 41 degree celcius. And yes, because my unit doesn’t have AirCon the best I could do: run to Borders. Sit at Gloria Jeans and (plan to) do some work.

Now sitting in front of me is a crimpled lady in a wheel chair. I don’t dare to stare too long, but I noticed that she cant even lift her head. Hair all over her face,  a cup of coffee capped with a straw tipped on the table. And away she sip from the table, occasionally taking the cookie she bought with one working hand. She is alone. Where’s her nurse? Does she have any relative?

Anyway, I don’t want to exploit or dramatize her misery. What I’m really keen to write about is…her wheelchair. Looking at it, it’s a pretty fancy one. A whole lot of wheels, automatic lever n stuff, backrest control. My best guess is, the government bought it for her. Or should I say, the taxpayer did.

Here in Australia, like in any other developed economies,  the social benefit is pretty good. If you’re a disabled person, don’t worry…the government will take care of you. If you’re poor and decide to not work,  if you’re an eldery, if you’re an indigenous, or even if you’re a crack addict. No worries. Hence most people I see here, who are unemployed/ poor, who have dissabilities (from minor to major), who are (just) old, who are indigenous, who are crack addicts, they dont have to struggle to earn money. Hence there’s no motivation to.. pursue a higher education to compete in the labor market, or…to acquire new skills (like painting with your foot or something), or…to quit drugs. Which, in my oppinion, is sad. It’s an easy life yes. But..doesnt feel right.

Remember when we learn Economics of Public Policy they say “Social benefit can be an incentive for not working”. I think, here, that is somewhat true. There is no need for them to work. The lady in front of me here can afford a 5.50 AUSD coffee and a 3 AUSD cookie. And that’s just her brunch. I know a girl here who applied for a dissability benefit just because she’s slightly injured her foot and now she limps a bot. 

In Sweden, a friend of mine who lived there for a year said “In the year I Iived there, I only saw one poor guy. Who collects beer bottle and sell them for recycle. And he has a house. With central heating”. Here Aboriginals (we call them indigenous Australian, for being politically correct), just go to the nearest ANZ atm and take out the cash they get  from the government (As I saw them during my travel to the Red Center). Which most of them use, for booze. Sounds familiar? Almost like people at home, in Papua. The crack addicts here get money, and are localized in one neighborhood. A pretty dodgy neighborhood that you don’t want to find yourself lost in.

I’m trying to point out that maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with social benefit in cash. In other words, just handing out money, can be dangerous.

But is it different back home? I mean, does it matter in what stage of development an economy is that a cash social benefit might be harmful? BLT, the IDR 300,000 benefit the government  give away to the poorest population. Most of whom have to think hard of what they will eat three days from now (or even for tomorrow). And if one of their kids get sick, there you go…months of saving will be gone. In this stage, most likely the cash benefit will go to buying basic needs. Rice. School uniform for the kids.  That is speaking from the experience of families I know, but have to check on this as well though, what most of BLT recipients do with the money).

So I think, when cash benefit is given to a population whose basic needs are still not met , it is highly likely that the money will be spent to meet basic needs. But when cash benefit is given to a population whose passed the point of fulfilling their basic needs, cash benefit is highly likely to go to Woolworth Liquor, or Thirsty camel.

Why is it so hard for those who decide for the country, to give a more sophisticated kind of social benefit. Less easy, but more effective.

Now, wouldn’t it be better for an indigenous Papua (or an indigenous Australian) to get a voucher for 9 years of free education in a good public school? That is if we really want them to be literate and have equal opportunity in the future.

As for the crack addicts…well…hmmm… that…requires further contemplation.